


we hide the truth ( to spare no one's feelings )

by smartbuckley



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Team apologizes, Team isn't Nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 05:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21351019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley
Summary: Written for the following prompt:Buck is understandably on the outs with the team despite coming back. They don’t know how much money he turned down and Eddie is still furious with him. Buck tries to hide how much it hurts. He’s also hiding the real truth, that filing the suit was actually to distract the sleezy lawyer from attacking the team. After a nasty row with Eddie Buck decides he needs to leave for a little while. Team finds out the truth and rush after him thinking he’s leaving forever. Eddie begs him not to go.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528010
Comments: 18
Kudos: 483
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	we hide the truth ( to spare no one's feelings )

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this was. Not easy to write. I've been writing this since the prompt was received, which was fifteen days ago. So, apologies, nonnie, for the long wait. I hope you guys enjoy this, because I'm not too happy with it. Takes place after 3x05, but nothing after is canon.

“You turned down how many millions?” Maddie screeches to Buck through the phone, causing the man to cringe back and hold his phone away from his ear, wishing now that he hadn’t said anything to his older sister. Letting out a small breath, Buck brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he continued walking towards the firehouse, his car in the autoshop for the next few days. He was only a few minutes away from becoming late, and Buck knew that today, of all days, was not a day to be late. Of course, Buck was a man who was never late in the first place, unless there were some extreme unforeseen circumstances, so he sure as hell did not want to be late today, especially since today was the day that Bosko was  _ finally _ leaving the 118 and going back to her own station. Not that Buck hated her, or anything, or wasn’t going to miss her, because the two of them had become quite friendly, but the team was throwing a goodbye party for her, and Buck knew that if he ended up late, they might just blow up at him…

_ Again _ .

But that wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now, and as he picked up his pace, he focused back onto the one-sided conversation Maddie was having on the phone with him.

“So, why haven’t you told anyone on the team that you turned down millions of dollars to be with them? And why haven’t you told the team that the only reason you went through with the lawsuit in the first place was so that damn lawyer didn’t go through with the city-wide lawsuit instead?” Maddie questions, her voice rising slightly at the end of each word, indicating just how upset she truly is with everything she’s heard. Buck shouldn’t be surprised, especially after he had told her how the team was acting with him, despite his apologies, but Buck still couldn’t help but want to be defensive towards the team, and maybe that was his problem, to be honest.

“What’s the point, Mads? They probably wouldn’t believe me, after everything that’s happened,” Buck responds with a small breath of frustration escaping from him as he makes his way towards the intersection, thankful to see the fire station just up ahead, not a minute too soon.

“Then you should  _ make _ them believe you, Ev. They’re supposed to be your family, but they sure as hell aren’t acting like it,” Buck can admit that her words make sense, and hurt, because he knows she’s right. None of his teammates are acting like they would have before he did the lawsuit -- none of them are acting like he’s family, and it hurts so much. He knows if they just knew the truth, things would change, and his family would be treating him the way they used to treat him but --

Buck doesn’t want them to treat him how they used to treat him because they  _ have  _ to. He’d rather they do it because they’re truly sorry, and they actually forgive him. Which is why he hasn’t told the team why he went through the lawsuit, or mentioned how much money he gave up so he could be with  _ them _ , because it was them that were important.

He figures maybe eventually, they’ll know, but until they stop treating him like shit -- what was the point?

“Maybe not, Mads, but right now, they’re not in the right place to know. They’re still angry with me and --”

“And telling them would have them no longer angry with you, Evan. It’s like you’re not telling them because you believe you  _ deserve _ their anger,” Maddie states and Buck feels his heart plummeting down into his stomach, his teeth biting into his lower lip as he wonders if maybe that was the case. He’s tried so hard to not let the way he’s grown up affect him but at this point, maybe Maddie is right.

“Maybe, but --” Buck begins with a soft sigh, crossing the street when it’s clear and making his way towards the fire station, opening the doors as he tries to think of what to respond back with. 

“But everyone still hates me, Mads.  _ Eddie _ still hates me, and I don’t feel like admitting the truth about everything until they don’t hate me --  _ he _ doesn’t hate me, because he’s forgiven me on his own. Not because I tell them the truth about the lawsuit, and the money, and all of that and they  _ have _ \--- “

“What?” Buck hears, his mouth snapping closed as he looks up with wide eyes, having not realized that he had walked right into Bosko’s going away party, everyone there and everyone over-hearing his last statement to Maddie without any context.

“Fuck,” he whispers, pinching the bridge of his nose before letting out a breath. “Mads, I’ll call you later, alright?” He says softly, waiting for Maddie to say okay before hanging up his phone and looking towards the team, eyes full of hesitance.

“What truth?” Eddie asks, eyes narrowing and hardening and Buck can feel his heart shatter because he knows that Eddie is already coming to his own conclusions, isn’t going to listen to anything he has to say, and damn if that doesn’t hurt, because he always thought that Eddie would have his back and the one time he truly needed someone to have it, the one person he counted on  _ didn’t _ .

(Then again, he was sure Eddie felt the same way about him and this lawsuit, and Buck could definitely understand that.)

“What. Truth?” Eddie asks once more, stepping forward and pointing his finger at Buck’s chest, hard enough that Buck wants to rub at the spot but doesn’t. He opens and closes his mouth for a few minutes, eyes moving towards the rest of the team, who all wear looks of confusion before he raises his hands in a placating gesture and takes a step back from the anger that is radiating off Eddie -- the anger that’s been radiating off him since the day at the grocery store.

They never finished that conversation, and Buck can’t help but wonder that, maybe if they had, things wouldn’t be so bad now. Maybe he would have told the truth to the team, and had been accepted back into their good graces immediately. There were a lot of maybe’s though, and Buck knew that now wasn’t the time to think about them, especially with the way Eddie was crossing his arms in front of him.

“Why do you even care,  _ Diaz _ ?” Buck questions, his own arms folded in front of his chest, the urge to protect himself from whatever Eddie throws at him verbally incredibly high. Before Eddie can say anything in response though, Buck continues, steamrolling the older man, “Why would you care now, when for the past few weeks, you  _ haven’t _ cared. Not when I’ve been hurt, or injured, or isolated. Not even after I apologized, or explained why I did I did, even if it wasn’t the whole truth. None of you have shown me that you believed me when I said I was sorry, and none of you have acted in a way that proved that you had forgiven me. So yeah, I omitted some truths about the lawsuit in order to protect you, but why should I bother telling you anything now, when it’s probably just going to be used as emotional blackmail for all of you?” Buck snaps, panting as he feels his own anger coursing through him, the thoughts he has had before finally coming out as his hand comes up to run sweaty fingers through his growing hair.

He can see Eddie open and close his mouth, can see Bobby looking at him in confusion, Chimney and Hen with guilt and Bosko in understanding, which makes sense, since she’s the only one who he told the truth to, since she actually wasn’t involved but none of it matters, not now, not after all of this time.

“How am I supposed to forgive you, Buck, when I can’t trust you with anything I tell you? When I feel like you’re just going to turn around and tell someone every single thing I’ve shared with you?” Eddie questions, interrupting Buck’s thoughts while his eyes widen in surprise. He never expected Eddie to come out and admit to not having forgiven him, but to come out and say he doesn’t trust him, after  _ everything _ , Buck can feel his heart break at those words.

‘You don’t trust me?” Buck breathes out, walking backwards to get away from the anger radiating off his once best friend. Because he knows now that Eddie is probably never going to forgive him for doing what he thought was best, for fighting for  _ himself _ , since no one else would. And that hurts, that hurts so much but Buck needs to know for sure before he makes any other decisions.

“No, I don’t. And I can’t forgive you for doing something so damn stupid, for ruining what you call your family, all for what?” Eddie snaps.

Letting out a small breath of frustration, Buck looks at Eddie and frowns, shaking his head, feeling like there’s nothing to fight for after his words. A small scoff escapes from him as he tries not to let a sob break free, but he’s not too sure that’s possible when he can see Hen looking at him carefully and Bobby step closer to Buck.

“You know, before the embolism happened, I was thinking of asking you out?” Buck admits, voice soft. He watches as Eddie’s eyes widen and he takes a surprised step backwards, clearly not expecting those words. Raising his hand, Buck runs it down his face, shoulders slumping in exhaustion. “I thought maybe -- maybe there could be something between us, and I thought you saw it too, so I was going to take that chance, and ask you out. And then the embolism happened, and I was forced to not work again and --” Letting out a sigh, Buck looks around the room before shrugging.

“I feel like I’ve told you guys time and time again why I did what I did. That without any of you, I have nothing. And that without you, I felt completely alone, and I was drowning and screaming for you guys and none of you realized it or bothered to help.” Buck responds, looking away as he tries not to let his depression bring him down. “There’s only so many times I can apologize, though. And there’s only so many times I can take the digs and the isolation. And if it’s been as long as it has been, and it’s just me trying to push through to you guys, what’s the damn point?” Buck admits softly, shrugging his shoulders once more before looking at Eddie.

“I’ve apologized a lot more to you than I have to them. And I’m sorry you can’t trust me anymore, and that my choices ruined our friendship. So uh, don’t worry. This will be the last time you see me,” he finishes before turning to Bosko and nodding at her.

“Thanks, Lena. Your captain called, and he’s okay with the switch. Congratulations, and welcome to the 118.” Buck says, hand coming up to wave goodbye before he turns around and rushes out of the fire station, wiping at the tears that have begun to fall from his eyes, ignoring the silence that his last statement has brought on.

No one chases after him, which he’s not surprised by, but it still hurts, he thinks, as he makes his way back up to the intersection and away from the fire station that he called his home.

* * *

Eddie stands there, watching as Buck leaves the station with wide eyes, his heart pounding inside his chest as he tries to figure out what to do next. A part of him - a rather large part of him, admittedly, wants to chase after Buck, ask him to explain what he meant, tell him that Eddie  _ has _ forgiven him, he just doesn’t know how to show it to the younger man. Instead, he turns towards the others, his eyes narrowing at Bosko as he realizes now why she had been trying to say the party was unnecessary.

“Cap?” Chimney questions, interrupting the thoughts that Eddie was starting to feel. His eyes immediately go to Bobby, who lets out a small breath and Eddie is surprised to see how tense his captain looks, his eyebrows furrowing as he tries to understand what just happened.

“We’ll see Buck tomorrow, right?” Eddie asks, his voice raising at the last word as his heart pounds against his ribcage, nearly gasping when Bobby shakes his head.

“What do you mean,  _ no _ ,” Eddie questions, panic beginning to settle inside of his bones as he takes a step towards Bobby and shakes his head, not able to believe what he’s not hearing. Briefly, he can notice Hen and Chimney also stepping closer, confusion on their faces as Bobby lets out a sigh and folds his arms in front of his chest, and the movement is so similar to what Buck did that Eddie has to stop himself from nearly flinching.

“Buck sent in for a transfer. He takes Bosko’s place at the 136 and Bosko takes his place here,” Bobby ends up responding after a few minutes of tense silence and Eddie can feel his heart rate rise as his physical heart plummets into his stomach. There’s no way that’s true, he thinks, shaking his head in denial as his eyes widen.

“Buck’s gone?” Hen asks, her own eyes wide as everyone steps even closer, and Eddie can’t — he can’t help but begin panting, his head shaking slightly as he wraps his arms around his own waist, looking at Bobby with wide eyes.

“We need to stop him,” Eddie whispers after a few minutes, shaking his head as he begins pacing, trying to think about a way to bring Buck back to them. He knows everyone is looking at him with confusion, wondering why he’s so hell bent on getting Buck back, but Eddie can’t focus on that in this moment.

Without thought, he brings his phone out and hits Buck’s contact info, listening to the phone ringing continuously before his heart drops even more and he shakes his head. He’s not picking up and Eddie —

“I’m going after him,” Eddie says, moving quickly to the doors of the fire station and opening them, making his way out onto the streets, looking for Buck so he can try and fix what he’s messed up. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since Buck left, doesn’t know a lot of things, admittedly, so Eddie makes his way to the parking lot to get in his car and begin driving towards Buck’s apartment, hoping that he spots the other man somehow.

The drive is slow, Eddie looking out the windows of his car every possible second he can. He feels like no time has passed since Buck first walked away but looking at the clock on the radio in his car, he realizes it’s been long enough for Buck to be home by now, even if he was walking, and Eddie — the thought scares him. Sure, Buck’s only moving to a different team, a part of him thinks, but Eddie always expected Buck to be around, to have his back and knowing he’s pushed Buck away — 

He has to fix this.

He doesn’t realize he’s at Buck’s apartment building and out of his car before he’s entering in the code to enter the building in general, a part of him thinking about how dangerous that could be in an emergency before he shakes the thought away and hurries to the floor Buck’s loft is on. Heart pounding in his chest, Eddie doesn’t bother with knocking on the door, grabbing the spare key he keeps on his keychain instead and opening the door himself, eyes looking around the room for Buck and frowning when he doesn’t spot the younger man.

“Eddie?” Said man looks up, feeling something akin to relief course through his body as he notices Buck on the stairs, and he moves in closer, closing the door as he does so before rushing towards Buck.

“What are you —”

“Don’t leave,” Eddie interrupts, not wanting to lose the courage he has coursing through him, stepping closer to Buck with his eyes wide, teeth biting down onto his lower lip. He feels like his entire body is vibrating the closer he gets to Buck, his heart pounding against his chest, and he wonders if Buck is able to hear it. 

“Eddie—” Buck begins but Eddie shakes his head, stepping even more closer to Buck and letting out a small breath, not sure what he’s feeling but feeling something. 

“Don’t leave. I know — I’ve been an asshole to you, and I have no idea what I can do to make it up to you. But I’m  _ terrified _ of losing you, Buck. I’ve been terrified of losing you since the truck pinned you down, man,” Eddie nearly sobs. He notices Buck opening and closing his mouth but Eddie shakes his head, stepping even closer.

“And I acted like a jackass, and I’m  _ sorry _ , because I accepted your apology the moment you gave it, but I couldn’t get over my own terror over losing you. Whether it be in my life or in Christopher’s life. So instead, I started pushing you away because —” He stops here, taking a deep breath and taking one more step towards Buck, their chests pressed together now, Eddie briefly wondering when Buck reached the bottom step.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers, and Eddie wonders if he’s imagining Buck looking at his lips and then his eyes.

“Don’t leave, Buck. Don’t leave  _ me _ , please,” Eddie whispers, his hands coming up to wrap around Buck’s neck, a small whimper escaping from Buck as he closes his eyes, Buck’s forehead falling to rest against Eddie’s. The two stay like that for a few minutes, and Eddie just wants to stay in this position forever, but he knows they need to finish this talk.

“Please stay, Buck. Don’t leave the one-eighteen. Don’t leave your family. Don’t leave us, or me.” Eddie whispers, looking at Buck, wishing the man’s eyes were opened so he could look directly at him, so Buck could understand how much he meant what he was saying.

“Being isolated from you hurt so much, Eddie,” Buck whispers after a few moments, and Eddie can feel his heart fall, but he tries not to make assumptions, tries to continue listening to Buck. “I just wanted my family back, and I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t ever going to get any of you back. You and Christopher especially.” Buck whispers and Eddie’s fingers clench slightly, tension running through his body as Buck opens his eyes and looks at him. There’s something between the two of them, there always has been and Eddie wants to have the opportunity to figure it out.

“I have missed you and Chris so much, Eddie. I never wanted to leave the station, or you guys, but eventually, it just felt like there was no point,” Buck adds and Eddie nods slowly.

“I have until the end of the week to truly confirm if I’m changing stations. I don’t want to Eddie. I want to stay with you, and Chris, and everyone else. Starting over isn’t what I pictured for myself when I turned down the money the lawsuit won for me,” Buck snorts with a shake of his head.

“Why did you turn it down?” 

“Because the money wasn’t the point. Returning to you and everyone else was,” Buck responds with a small shrug.

“Can I ask, what the truth was?” Eddie questions after a few minutes of smiling softly, ignoring the way his heart rises when Buck laughs.

“Partly the fact that I turned down seven million dollars, and mainly the fact that the lawsuit was so that the lawyer wouldn’t sue you guys,” Buck responds with a small shrug of his shoulders while Eddie’s eyes widen and he tilts his head backwards. He wants to question the seven million dollars Buck apparently turned down but — 

“What do you mean, suing the lawyer was so he wouldn’t sue us?” Eddie turns, nearly jumping back in surprise at the sight of Bobby, Hen and Chimney in Buck’s doorway, the door wide open.

“I thought I closed that,” Eddie whispers while Buck snorts and Chimney laughs.

“Yeah, but not completely,” Hen responds, Bobby humming. He’s looking between the two of them, and even though there’s space between them now thanks to Eddie jumping away, Eddie can’t help but turn red, thinking about what Bobby and everyone else no doubt saw.

“Buck, what did you mean by that?” Bobby questions once more and Eddie looks towards Buck, admittedly, wondering the same thing but not having asked first.

“Originally, the lawyer wanted to sue you guys for what happened during the drill. I was asked by the chief to distract him.” Buck says, looking around the room and Eddie finds himself confused, looking towards Buck with furrowed eyebrows.

“So the chief  _ knew _ ? Does that mean if you had won…”

“I did win, technically. The lawsuit was real, since I started it before the lawyer thought about suing you guys. I was also going to end it before anything really happened, but then the chief received word and convinced me to go through with it, since he had received papers from the lawyer saying he was suing you guys. He figured me suing would be less costly than you guys being sued,” Buck interrupts with another shrug and Eddie feels even more like an ass than before, a small groan escaping from him as he rubs his face.

“And you still let us be terrible to you man, really?” Chimney questions, his eyes wide while Buck flushes and Eddie lets out a small breath, not sure how to feel.

“Buck, why didn’t you tell us?” Bobby asks and Eddie frowns, wanting to ask the same thing but not getting to in time before he turns towards Buck and waits, wondering.

“Well, I had apologized, but it seemed like none of you had forgiven me yet. And I didn’t want to tell you and then have you forgive me because it would just feel like you were forgiving me because I told you,” Eddie watches as the rest of the team opens and closes their mouths, and Eddie can understand their surprise, and even Buck’s reasoning. Looking towards the other man, he smiles softly, taking a step forward before taking Buck’s hand and squeezing it, trying to convey what he can in that squeeze instead of words.

His heart flutters when Buck looks at him from underneath his eyelashes, and part of him just wants to lean forward and kiss the man, but the clearing of Bobby’s throat stops him, Eddie looking at Bobby with a frown, ignoring the ay Bobby looks between them both.

“So, we’ve been jerks to you for no reason, huh,” Chimney says with a small chuckle and Buck laughs in response, nodding slightly.

“We’re sorry, Buck,” Hen adds, having remained mainly quiet, just taking everything in and Eddie watches as Buck bites his lower lip, wants to be the one to be biting it but he shakes the thought out of his mind for now.

“It’s—-”

“It’s not okay, Buck. You deserved to be treated better, especially after apologizing,” Bobby interrupts with an arch of his eyebrow, and Eddie can’t help but nod, agreeing with his captain.

“Do you -- “ Buck begins, pausing briefly before sighing and continuing, “Do you want me to stay with the one-eighteen?” He asks, and there’s something in his voice that makes Eddie want to wrap his arms around the man, hold him tight and ease all of his insecurities.

“Yes, Buck. We do. Of course we do,” Bobby says, stepping close and squeezing Buck’s shoulder, looking at him carefully. “You’ve always been a member of our family. And we’ve been terrible, and we’ll make it up to you. Let us show you that we can,” Bobby finishes and Eddie holds his breath, letting it out when Buck nods after a minute.

“Alright. I’ll uh. Tell the chief my decision, then,” Buck responds with a chuckle and Eddie can feel the disbelief coursing through him, and he squeezes Buck’s hand once more, turning red when Bobby chuckles at the move.

“So, should we talk about this?” Bobby asks, pointing between the two of them as Chim and Hen laugh. Eddie avoids looking at Buck, though out of the corner of his eye, he can see Buck’s face turning red and hears him sputtering.

“Not until we talk about it first,” Buck exclaims after a few minutes, Eddie’s eyes widening as he turns towards Buck, surprised to find him grinning at Eddie.

“Right. Well, we’ll see you tomorrow, Buck?” Bobby asks, Buck nodding his head in acknowledgement before everyone leaves, saying their goodbyes. Eddie’s raised to not be rude, so he can only say goodbye, though he doesn’t remember doing so, too focused on Buck and the ensuing talk they’re about to have. 

Unsure of how much time later, it’s just the two of them and Eddie turns towards Buck with a small smile.

“So…” Eddie begins, trailing off as Buck chuckles, bringing Eddie close to his body and letting his hands rest on Eddie’s hips, causing the man to shiver slightly. “You were going to ask me out, huh?” He teases, Buck laughing. Eddie doesn’t know what’s going to happen next but right now, he has high hopes for the future, and for the relationship between the two of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this. Concrit and comments are welcomed. Come yell at me on [my tumblr](https://smartbuckley.tumblr.com).


End file.
